Becoming a parent has a way of recalibrating everything you thought you knew about time, energy and what actually matters. Before I had my son, work was a huge part of my identity. It still is. I care deeply about what we’re building, the people I lead and the responsibility that comes with running a business.
But parenthood flicks a switch you can’t switch back. Suddenly, the things you used to sweat just don’t carry the same weight. Perspective sharpens. Priorities shift. And you realise you’re capable of far more than you ever thought possible.
That doesn’t mean it’s easy. It just means it’s different.
You don’t stop being ambitious when you become a parent
There’s still a lingering belief that becoming a parent, particularly a mother, requires some sort of professional compromise. That ambition has to soften. That you have to choose between being good at work or being good at parenting.
That hasn’t been my experience.
What has changed is how I work. I don’t do things the same way I did before. I’m more focused, more decisive and far less attached to presenteeism for the sake of it. I care about outcomes, not optics. And I’ve learned that flexibility isn’t a nice to have. It’s essential.
The reality is, you don’t do less once you become a parent. You just carry more. Somehow, your capacity expands. Five years ago, I’d have told you that was impossible. Now I know it’s just what happens.
The invisible load is still very real
Even in the most progressive households and workplaces, society still defaults to mums as the primary parent. Nurseries call mums first. Admin lands with mums. The mental load quietly builds, even when parenting is genuinely shared.
This isn’t about blame. It’s about awareness.
If we want to change the narrative around working parenthood, we have to include everyone in the conversation, not just women. Fathers, partners, employers, leadership teams. Parenthood is a life changing event for both parents, yet the expectations placed on men to carry on as normal haven’t evolved at the same pace.
Real change happens when we talk about parenting as a shared responsibility, not a gendered one.
Returning to work is emotionally harder than we admit
We talk a lot about preparing for parental leave. We talk far less about preparing to come back.
What surprised me most wasn’t the logistics, it was the emotion. The sense of something ending. The grief for a chapter of life you didn’t realise would feel quite so special until it was over. And at the same time, the guilt for wanting your career back. Wanting routine. Wanting to feel like you again.
Those two feelings can exist at once, and that doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you human.
Employers play a critical role here. Not just by having policies in place, but by creating genuine psychological safety. No one should feel like their pregnancy or parental leave is a burden on the business. That pressure doesn’t belong with the employee. It belongs with the system around them.
Flexibility isn’t about doing less, it’s about doing things differently
There will be days when everything collides. A sick child. A critical meeting. A moment where you’re pulled in two directions and feel like you’re failing at both.
Those moments don’t mean it’s not working. They mean you’re human, navigating a complex season of life.
The answer isn’t rigid rules or outdated expectations around how work should look. It’s trust. It’s flexibility. It’s recognising that performance doesn’t live between 9 and 5, and that life doesn’t neatly stay outside working hours.
At Trunk, we believe work should fit around life, not compete with it. That belief shows up in how we lead, how we support our people and how we advise our clients.
Guilt doesn’t disappear, but perspective helps
If I’m honest, I don’t think parental guilt ever fully goes away. I work full time. My son is in nursery full time. That’s a reality I’ve made peace with, but not one I’m immune to.
What helps is being intentional with the time I do have. Being present. Removing unnecessary noise. Letting go of the idea that doing everything myself is a badge of honour. Support systems matter, at home and at work.
And it helps to remember that children don’t need perfection. They need love, stability and parents who are fulfilled, not burnt out.
Final thoughts
You don’t have to choose between being ambitious and being present. But you do have to be willing to do things differently.
Working parenthood isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about creating environments, at home and at work, where people are trusted, supported and allowed to evolve.
And if we can get that right, everyone benefits.
